


Gemology ROCKS! (A series of SU anecdotes)

by Toonfreak



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Buffet, Comedy, Gen, Humor, Short Stories, rob - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:10:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9464672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toonfreak/pseuds/Toonfreak
Summary: Just a series of SU short stories (mostly comedies) that I've written just for the fun of it!Chapter 3: The Very Hungry Amethyst - Amethyst discovers her new favorite restaurant!





	1. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue Pearl decides to ask her Diamond a tricky question!

Blue Diamond was crying again.

As her Pearl stood by her side, she couldn't help but remember a fond past where her master was more…not necessarily happy, but rambunctious, certainly.

She knew her leader blamed herself for the death of her sister. The Rose Quartz had appeared in HER court after all. The Diamond could have shattered her sister's killer on the spot, but the new fusion had distracted her so badly that the traitor got away.

While the little Blue Pearl had always been a status symbol for her owner, she found that the only thing she was really utilized for was opening doors, and looking pretty.

….At least, that was the case, before the death of Pink.

These days, two NEW jobs had emerged for the Pearl: A helpful sympathetic ear to listen, and LAUNDRY.  
Lots, and lots of LAUNDRY.  
Gems normally didn't cry this much- or this long. While Blue Pearl was grateful to have such a kind master- a Diamond no less! Even she had to admit that attempting to clean handkerchiefs the size of bedspreads was exhausting, and more than a bit troublesome.

As the Pearl gazed helplessly at her Diamond, the leader continued to weep with the sadness of her lost family member.

The servant really did wish there was something she could do or say to cheer her up. The Pearl was normally quite introverted, however, and only spoke out of place on occasion.

This is primarily why her Diamond's next question surprised her so.

The leader sadly looked down at the little Gem. "What is on your mind, my Pearl?"

Blue Pearl froze in sudden terror. She squeaked slightly in response.

The Diamond attempted to smile- a rare occurrence. "Come now my Pearl! I have given you permission to speak."

The smaller Gem fiddled with her hands for a bit, before choosing her words wisely. "My Diamond…I-I was just thinking of ways to cheer you up. Would you like me to dance…or sing maybe…erm…perhaps…?"  
"Such a kind Pearl. No my dear, I've seen you dance and sing hundreds of times. It…no longer amuses me."

The Pearl flinched slightly at that last bit.

The master continued: "No…today I want something…different."  
"My Diamond?"  
"Yes. I need something to get my mind off of things."

Blue Pearl thought for a minute- her head tilting in deep confusion. She suddenly came up with a solution to the problem. "My Diamond?"  
The massive leader looked down at her slave.  
Pearl continued: "Might-M-Might it be possible to ask an inquiry that's been troubling my mind?"

The Diamond looked intrigued. It was terribly taboo and unorthodox for a Pearl to ask her owner a question. Interested, the leader nodded in approval.

"W-Well…I've been thinking about this for some time now…As you know, all Gems are classified by their Facet and Cut numbers….."  
"…that is correct."  
"-but what about Gems like me? I am classified by a Facet and Cut number and yet, my gemstone is round! No sides or cuts at all! Shouldn't all Pearls be labeled as Facet zero, Cut zero?"

The Diamond looked slightly impressed, and stood thinking quite deeply at the Pearl's question.

The Pearl continued: "-and that's not all! What about Gems like Peridots and Agates? They have different shaped gemstones, but no Cuts or Facets either. Shouldn't they be classified by shapes?"

Blue Diamond stopped crying, and began to ponder this odd question with intrigue.

\----------------

After several days with no answer, the leader decided to inquire a Peridot with the question.

The shocked (and slightly flattered) green Gem informed her that the Cut and Facet numbers were based more on the time, location, and the shape of the mother stone. All three actually had little to do with the Gem and how many sides the gemstone ended up with.

It was at this point, the Diamond realized something! Her mind had been so preoccupied with this silly question, that it had completely distracted her from her misery.

She was feeling more rested- and much less fatigued overall.

\----------------

From that point forward, whenever the master became bored or upset, she would command her Pearl to ask her another intriguing question with seemingly no answers.

Who would have thought a Pearl would be intelligent enough to come up with such riddles?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received this massive Gemology book for Christmas. After looking at the definitions on the inside, this odd question popped into my head.
> 
> I decided to use it for this short! YAY!
> 
> I've never written for Blue Diamond nor Blue Pearl before. They both seem more reserved and intellectual than most of the Gems on Homeworld. They are both soooo quiet! No yelling or shouting or screaming from these two- if anything, they tend to mumble a bit…
> 
> Sorry the chapter is so short this week- I'm madly working on Chapter 9 for "Aliens With Trapper Hats"…which is quite massive!  
> Hope you guys liked the story all the same!
> 
> Perhaps those Diamonds shouldn't underestimate their Pearls…they seem to be much smarter than the leaders give them credit for…..
> 
>  
> 
> …anywhos…
> 
> …enjoy "Gemology ROCKS!"!
> 
> This is where I'm going to put SU short stories that don't fit into my other fics…some may be longer than others! Hope you like them!


	2. Lost in Translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (singing) What Does the Gem Say?

As Pearl was falling, she wondered why no one ever listened to her. She had asked Steven to pick up his toys…which he had neglected to even attempt.  
He had stated: "I'll do it when I get back Pearl!"  
…before quickly leaving the house to do something (probably) much less important…like eating.

…and now, it was too late. The Gem was falling to the floor and internally regretting not picking up the objects herself. She had figured leaving the chore-just this once- would teach Steven some responsibility.

Now she was going to pay for her ignorance with a painful conclusion.

As the Gem tumbled to the ground- two things occurred:  
One: The fall hurt, BADLY.  
…and Two:

"Crrrack-grunch!"

The ominous sound gave Pearl a startled panic. She had fallen in a way that the left side of her forehead had hit the floor. The familiar noise was never a good sign.  
For a beat, she stayed still, hoping to no one-in particular that the sound she had heard was not what she thought it was.

The Gem attempted to get herself up. Her head began to spin with dizziness.

Filled with dread, Pearl brought her hand to her gem and inspected it.  
The gemstone felt perfectly smooth.

Good! There was no damage!

Relieved, Pearl stood up and examined the floor in a huff. It was odd knowing how many monsters she had fought, and yet… a toy vehicle? A reptile plush had defeated her? STARS! There were so many odds and ends scattered about, that she didn't even know what she had tripped on. Slightly annoyed, Pearl began to pick up the items in question.

Steven would get quite a lecture when he got home...

\----------------

When the boy returned, he had somehow come into possession of a lemon pastry. Pearl was sitting on the couch, attempting to distract herself from the pain in her forehead. She was polishing a sword- something that needed to be done anyway. The Gem glanced up quickly at the sound of the door slamming.

Steven looked around the room and immediately noted that the mess he had left had already been picked up. The boy drooped his head in shame, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty.

Pearl stood up and approached the small half-human. She put her hands on her hips, and gave him a scowl of disappointment.

"SKKKREEEEEEEEE!"

Steven quickly held his hands to his ears! The sound Pearl was making eerily resembled claws on a chalkboard!

Pearl clamped her hands over her mouth in shock!

The boy stared at his caretaker, terrified.

"Pearl? What's wrong?"

The Gem in question immediately began to panic! Pearl started to pace in a frantic circle. It looked to Steven like she was either shouting or screaming…or…something. Although, the sound she was emitting…  
"Clack! Clack! Clackity-cla-clack!"  
…sounded much more like a whole bunch of polished stones hitting one another.

Steven was confused. Why (and how) was Pearl making these noises? Her gemstone wasn't cracked….  
"Pearl! Calm down!" Steven quickly hugged the Gem instinctively. Pearl hugged him back and began to wail-

"Plunk! Plunk! Plunk!"

To the little half-human, her sobs sounded like a stone being skipped across a lake.  
Steven hugged her even harder. "It's ok Pearl! We'll figure this out!"  
Still panicking slightly, the Gem accidentally made another high pitched:

"SKKKKRREEE!"

"AAGGPH!" Steven let go of Pearl quickly, and held his ears in pain again.

The tall Gem stopped whatever she was trying to say, with a worried look on her face. She hugged Steven again to calm him down.

"Shufff…..shufff…shuffle…."  
The noise of two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together almost sounded like a calming whisper.

Steven wailed: "Oh Pearl! What happened to you?!"

Pearl suddenly looked at the boy, incredibly cross. She walked over to his toy chest, opened the lid, and proceeded to pull out a model car.  
"Snap! Snap! Clatter!" She pointed at the toy, while rambling about…something.

Steven tilted his head in confusion.

This action just seemed to make her more enraged. Her face flushed in a temper!  
"rrrrRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUMMMMMBBBBLLLLLEEEEE!"

Steven jumped slightly at the unexpected sound. It somewhat resembled a massive bolder falling down a rocky hillside.

Fortunately, the loud noise stirred Garnet and Amethyst from the temple room. The two of them came dashing out in a panic- half expecting the house to be crushed by a giant monster.  
Pearl's mood changed immediately upon seeing the rest of her family. Perhaps they could help her with this predicament?

"What WAS that loud noise?!" asked the terrified Amethyst.

"Is everyone ok?!" Garnet knew the answer already, but figured it would be polite to ask.

Steven nodded in agreement. Pearl looked like she was on the verge of joyous tears.  
The white Gem ran forward, and embraced her fellow aliens in a relieved hug. She looked up at Garnet. "Plick! Plick! Plick!"

…and then down at Amethyst. "Thunk!"

"Pfffft-" Amethyst stifled a laugh. "What are you doing Pearl?! I didn't know you could make sounds like that! You've gotta teach me!"  
Pearl's smile transformed into a frown at this comment. "Thump, trmble…."  
At this, Amethyst began to laugh hysterically! Pearl blushed.

"Amethyst! It's not funny!" Garnet was getting increasingly peeved at the purple Gem's disrespect and lack of empathy to the situation.  
"Oh come on Garnet! It's a little funny…"  
"No. It's not."

Pearl looked toward Amethyst in an increasingly annoyed rage. "Thunk…..BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!"  
With a sound similar to that of an erupting volcano, the entire house shook, threatening to fall apart. The surprised Amethyst fell over in a state of wonderment. Several dishes that were stacked on the kitchen counter toppled and shattered at the noise.

Pearl covered her mouth quickly after being witness to the destruction she had caused. Her face blushed even more so at the embarrassment of the situation.

Garnet came up to her, and patted her on the shoulder- completely unfazed by this surprising explosion of a noise.  
"It's ok Pearl…just…try not to shout anymore…alright?"  
The white Gem nodded in defeat.  
"-Now, tell me, exactly what happened?"  
"Crumble rumble, plick, plick, womph shunk!"

Garnet suddenly stared at Steven looking quite cross. "Steven! Come here!" The red Gem pointed at the floor with dominance.

Steven sadly sauntered over, feeling scared, like he was about to get a stern talking to. He glanced up at Garnet with fear of what was to come.  
Garnet gestured toward the white Gem, and began to speak. "Pearl says you didn't pick up your things when she asked you to."

Steven attempted to defend himself. "I was going to when I came back from the Big Donut….wait…you can UNDERSTAND HER?!"

"Don't try to change the subject." Garnet was blunt. "Did you or, did you NOT, put off the one and ONLY thing Pearl asked you to do today?"

The boy shuffled his feet in guilt. There was obviously no getting out of this sticky situation. "Maybe?" the boy replied with a smidge of hope. Perhaps he could soften the blow of the situation a bit if he tried to look at cute as possible?  
Garnet (who was normally swayed very easily by this tactic), stayed firm. She was not in the mood to be bribed. "Pearl hurt herself, and hit her gem tripping on one of the things YOU didn't pick up."

Steven's face evolved from innocence to complete guilt and shame. He gazed at the one he had ignored earlier. "Pearl?! Is that true?!"

Pearl didn't like seeing Steven so upset, but nodded, solemnly.

Immediately, tear's welted up in the human's eyes. "oh…..OH PEARL! I'M SO SORRY! This is all MY fault!" The boy ran up to her and embraced her in a hug.  
Pearl looked down at him as she began to cry too. The Gem attempted to comfort him again. "Shufff…shuff…..shuffle…shuf." A sign of forgiveness perhaps? No one but Garnet could tell for sure.

Steven calmed down a bit, still weeping slightly. "But…wait…this still doesn't explain how you can understand her Garnet!"

"Yeah! What's up with that? I can't understand what she's saying either." Amethyst butted in.

"That's because she's speaking Gemmish. Her translator is broken." Garnet replied with a simple answer.

"Wait…what?" Amethyst was clearly confused.

Garnet answered "You wouldn't know about it Amethyst. You were born here on Earth…like Steven. It's the native language of Homeworld, but is rarely used, due to its…"  
Garnet took a look at the pile of broken dishes.  
"-destructive nature." She nodded in content. "Most Gems use alternative languages to prevent confusion and chaos. It's not exactly the easiest language to understand."

"But, that doesn't make any since! It just sounded like a bunch of random noises! Like a rock falling down a cliff…or rocks clicking together….or…OH."  
Suddenly a thought came over Amethyst as she realized the obvious, and stared at her gemstone. "-Right…rocks."

The human's excitement suddenly peaked. "That's SO COOL! Quick Pearl! How do you say "Steven" in "Gem"?

Pearl hesitated.

"Come ooooooon! You can tell me!"  
Pearl glanced at the boy for a second before shrugging in defeat. "SKKKKRREEE!"

"AAAAGGGH!" Steven held his ears again.

Pearl stopped quickly.

The little half-human uncupped his hands from his ears. "OOOOOOHHH! So that's what you we're trying to say earlier! You we're trying to say my name!"

Pearl nodded.

Steven continued. "…but Pearl, if your gemstone isn't cracked, how can you be having so much trouble speaking? Did you hit your head…like super hard or something?"

"It is cracked." Answered Garnet automatically. "The translator is in the direct center of the gemstone. There's a fracture…we can't see…in the middle of it." Garnet nodded again. The tall gem turned to Steven. "I'm sure Pearl would appreciate it if you helped her fix it Steven."

"Of course! I would have done it anyway!...Oh! One more thing, before I do that!"

The boy quickly rushed up the stairs to his bedroom loft, and grabbed his rock collection. He zoomed back down the stairs carrying multiple stones Garnet had given to him during various missions.

"Pearl! Pearl! What does THIS mean in Gem?!"

Steven tossed the rocks in the air. They all clattered onto the floor in a shower.  
Pearl looked shocked for a second before stifling a laughter.

Garnet had a look of un-amusement on her face. "Steven?"  
"Yeah Garnet?"  
The fusion began to pick up the rock collection. "You're not allowed to play with these any more…"  
"Ohhh…WHY?! What did I say?!"

"Mmmph." Garnet didn't answer but proceeded to bubble the rock collection, and quickly hid it in the burning room where Steven couldn't get to it easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going up early for the "Steven Bomb Awareness" all the fans are doing right now. A-him…
> 
> EVERYONE WATCH THE STEVEN BOMB ALL THIS WEEK TO HELP SUPPORT THE SHOW! STARTING ON MONDAY NIGHT! 01/30/2017!
> 
> Something I learned while writing this:
> 
> I had to change "Gemish" to "Gemmish". Apparently, "Gemish" (spelled with one "M") is an actual language! It's a mixture between Germen and Yiddish!
> 
> I had this dumb idea in my brain for a while. What if natural "Gem" language just sounded like a bunch of rock sound effects? The conclusion was…erm…whatever you just read! Yup!
> 
> A BIG thank you goes out to the writer VonSmore for helping me proofread this thing (and giving me the courage to post it). You're an excellent editor! Thanks a billion my friend! (EVERYONE GO READ HER STUFF! I COMMAND!)


	3. The Very Hungry Amethyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst discovers her new favorite restaurant!

Amethyst was Hungry.

Actually, Amethyst had no clue what "hunger" really was. In fact, she hadn't been hungry once in her entire life.

To most everyone else, hunger was defined as a NEED to eat. To Amethyst, "hunger" was defined as a WANT to eat. One could call her the ultimate Foodie, if it wasn't for the fact that she would eat things most others wouldn't consider food- like tea bags and tires.

On this particular day, the purple Gem was going to visit the new strip mall Mayor Dewey had been plastering signs about all over town. Visiting new humans was always fascinating. They would freak out easily- unknowing of Amethyst's magical abilities to shape shift. Plus, new stores meant new new dumpsters. The Gem loved to dumpster dive and find cool things for her room's collection. The beings of this planet were surprisingly wasteful, and always threw out really good stuff.

As Amethyst approached the new venue of stores, an incredibly large sign of interest caught her eye.

It was big.

It was yellow.

It had a giant picture of a massive steak on it.

The incredibly delectable sign said the following:  
"Take the steak challenge today at Rob's Buffet! Eat a seven-pound steak in less than ten minutes, and your entire purchase is FREE! FREE! FREE!"

Amethyst couldn't believe her eyes! It was a buffet…a potentially FREE buffet at that! All the food you could eat in exchange for eating ONE steak?! This was the most amazing sign she had ever seen!

The purple Gem quickly skipped to the new restaurant. She wanted to try this deal for herself before the human had a chance to change the sign.

\----------------

Amethyst was sitting at a prominent table, completely surrounded by curious spectators.

The situation was getting better and better! She had never had an audience for her eating hobby before! Normally, she just got scolded by Pearl, or received a disgusted look from Garnet.

Rob, the owner of the restaurant came out of the back door. He seemed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, completely unaware of anything odd or out of place. Behind him were several of his fellow employees lugging the large piece of meat on a giant plate.

As the food was placed on the table, Amethyst licked her chops in anticipation. Rob took a nearby microphone from its stand. The purple Gem thought he sounded kind of like the ring master of one of her wrestling matches.

"In this corner, we have a new challenger for our super-sized steak supreme! THE LOVELY AMETHYST!"

Amethyst blushed slightly at this comment. She stood up in triumph encouraging the crowd into an excited frenzy!

The announcer continued: "Will Amethyst succeed? Or be shunned onto the "WALL OF SHAME?!""

Rob turned the audience's attention to a cork board with pictures of previous humans that had already failed the challenge. Most of them looked either nauseous or disappointed.  
"Let's find out! Shall we?! I'll start the timer. You have ten minutes…and…BEGIN!"

The man pressed the button on an oversized novelty digital clock that had obviously been installed for this purpose. As the clock began-

"VVVVVVVRRRROOOOMMMGPH!"

A gasp went around the room as the gigantic piece of meat was inhaled- literally. Amethyst had transformed her mouth into a vacuum cleaner, and had managed to swallow the thing whole…. even the T-bone in the middle and the plastic garnish on the plate's side.

The purple Gem let out a satisfied belch.  
She was quite happy…that is, until she noticed the terrified looks of horror on the human's faces. Had she done something wrong?

Amethyst glanced around the surprised room, before noticing the steak plate.

A-ha! That's why everyone was so troubled!

She transformed her mouth to fit around the thing, and proceeded to swallow the corelle ware like a snake with its jaw unhinged.

There was a scream or terror among the crowd. A random woman fainted at the ghastly sight.

"YEAH! I DID IT!" Amethyst seemed proud of herself despite the easy challenge. She raised her arms in the air with triumph.  
The clock said 25 seconds.

Rob the manager seemed on the verge of a panic attack. It was unlike anything he had ever seen- it…it wasn't right…it wasn't HUMAN…  
Amethyst turned to the nice owner and smiled. "Sooo…I ate the whole thing! The rest of my meal is free now, right?"  
"Erm…well yes…but…WAIT. REST OF YOUR MEAL?! How on Earth can you still be hungry!?"  
The purple Gem shrugged. "Idon'tknow…I just am! Now, where's that buffet?!"

\----------------

The next few hours were filled with either delight or horror- depending on who you asked.

Amethyst located the multiple metallic tins under the row of heat lamps and began to gorge herself…  
…with her hands…  
…without a plate.

Many of the other customers were so offended at this behavior that they left the restaurant in a huff. Some even asked for a refund for "compensation purposes".

The owner quickly informed his staff to stop preparing food. Perhaps if there was nothing left to eat, this monstrosity would leave his business.

When the food had been devoured, and the entire buffet was empty, Amethyst began to wander to the (now abandoned) customer tables. To the disgust of the staff, the purple being began to chow down on the half-eaten scraps that had been left behind.

Amethyst thought of this disgusting activity as more of a helpful service. Now the workers wouldn't have to clean the mess the other humans had left behind. She was reminded of her dumpster diving- so wasteful.  
Just to be extra nice to the workers with their clean up, she ate the plates as well. This friendly staff deserved a night off- they had been really awesome!

When this process was done, Amethyst returned to the buffet heat lamps to see if any of the food had been replaced. When she noticed all the trays were still empty, the Gem began to lick the crumbs clean (as well as take a full bites out of the metallic dishes as well).

The owner, Rob, meanwhile, was in the back room of his new restaurant. He was in a fetal position, crying his eyes out.

\----------------

Pearl noticed that upon Amethyst's return to the temple, she seemed more…STRANGELY shaped then usual…..

When the tall Gem inquired about this phenomenon, Amethyst began to present a happy anecdote about the wonderful restaurant she had found. At the end of the story, Pearl seemed surprised and curious. She had never come across a human willing to giveaway so much food at once. Certainly this "Rob" fellow must have been friendly, and had a good sense of empathy. Pearl had no interest in eating, but did at least want to offer Rob thanks for giving Amethyst such a wonderful meal.

\----------------

Several days later, Amethyst had convinced the rest of her family to join her upon returning to her (now) favorite restaurant. At this point, Garnet and Steven were equally curious about meeting this nice businessman…especially because the purple Gem hadn't shut up about him since their last encounter.

When they finally arrived at the location, Amethyst frowned in sadness.

There was an "Out of Business" sign in the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I was still taking writing classes, there was this bar-type restaurant on campus that was famous for 5 things:
> 
> 1\. Showing sporting events  
> 2\. Premiering the new South Park episode on their giant TV every Wednesday  
> 3\. This awesome type of root beer you couldn't get anywhere else  
> 4\. Their REALLY good fries  
> 5\. The "mighty burger challenge". Where you would basically eat a burger larger than most people's heads in less that 10 minutes and win a free shirt if you succeeded. They had a "wall of shame" with LOTS of pictures of nauseous people, and a smaller: "wall of fame" with like…3 people wearing their new shirts.
> 
> I think part of this story comes from that.
> 
> When it comes to buffets, I actually can't eat at them anymore. I have a really low immune system, and I've probably gotten sick almost EVERY TIME I've eaten at Golden Corral. People touching tongs, and then dropping them in food…ick.
> 
> My family DID go to one really good buffet (and by good, I mean It didn't give me food poisoning afterward), at the Circus, Circus hotel in Los Vegas one time.  
> Their buttermilk biscuits and bacon were really good during breakfast. I think the reason why it didn't make me sick, is because they changed out the food more regularly.  
> They also had a roller coaster on the inside of the hotel too! I hate roller coasters, but even I thought that was pretty sweet...


End file.
